Tuesday, April 29, 2008

what should this be titled?

I come in ready to learn, but I, myself, don't feel trusted enough with and how the people act toward me. I don't have any clue what people say about me. It's like they want to tell me something but they refuse to. Most of the time I die trying to figure out things and it just wouldn't happen. Alright, if you say so, i mean. i am just a person and i guess someone out there doesn't trust me at all. not even one person that i know of trust me. well, i tell them my plans and guess what? there never to come true. its like i lie to them all the time and it isn't worth it. All teachers here in oscarville counts on me and they always watch what i do. they think they don't realize to what they are up to. but things just come out to be wrong all the time. Maybe things don't go alright with me. I know nobody who trusts me. but my thoughts are like i don't know, not fun at all. on accident, i act funny to make them laugh. not what i want to share with you about me. i guess most of the time i don't laugh about people but something always does make me. It goes same thing with my family, the oscarville residents  kind of don't trust my family, thats why they always ask "did you get new shoes, sweater, coat, hat, gloves, and anything you can name" you know my family that is here now, ain't got a job that is worth so much as the residents do around here, but i guess they wonder how we trend to get new items. Gosh, i just get tired when all the workers ask about our stuff. it is just getting sick and tired, the only person i trust is the principal because i don't hear him ask about getting new stuff and it just makes me come to school. I sort of don't feel right about the school teachers asking about our stuff because those stuff we own are personnal, and why the heck do they want to know about our personnal stuff that we get, i mean i just don't get it. When workers or wealthy family sees the person wearing same stuff for year, they either laugh about them, ask them questions on how they get them, or even make fun of them. the wealthy people are just so apathetic, but for those who have gone through the same life they know how it feels. yeah, my mom doesn't have a job because she is a dropout, and us kids are trying are best to get an education but it just is feeling right enough for the workers or the ones that have educations themselves to ask questions about how we buy stuff. man, every day, the educators are aware of what we wear and it just sicks me out. I know almost every adult except in oscarville asks us about "when did you guys get that" and the recent movers like 2 years ago came, they do know what it feels like.  okay, take care. later

Martha

1 comment:

Christina. said...

Wow... I am really sorry that you have been feeling so attacked lately. I am glad you have this outlet here on Blogger now. I think what you are feeling is really common. Like that everyone sort of doesn't get you... get what you have to go through with your family and with your schooling. I think everyone feels that some of the time. I hope it doesn't bog you down too much.

I am really glad you have chosen to keep up with your school work though. I think you have made the right decision to try to break the cycle and make a good life for yourself and your family. I think you have a lot of strengths as a writer and I know also that you are a really hard worker with any task you are given. I can see that taking you far in life.